Middlebury, Vt.

Life in the middle of Vermont.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Email Confidential

Hey Sam –

What’s up?

-- Bob


WARNING: This message is intended only for the designated recipient(s). And for anyone else bored enough to actually read it. It may contain confidential or proprietary information and may also be subject to the coach-player privilege. Your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device.

--

Bob –

Not much. You?

-- Sam


This message is intended only for native speakers of Portugese. It may contain confidential or proprietary words in languages other than Portugese. Nontheless, that should not be interpreted to mean that you have any business reading it.

--

I’m thinking about taking an early lunch. Got any plans with that new secretary of yours? Assuming you don’t, you loser, want to join me for a burger?


If you are not a designated recipient, you may not review, copy or distribute this message. If you choose to review, copy or distribute this message, we will hunt you down and kill you.

--

I fired my secretary a week ago. Pay attention, will you?

Burger where?


IRS CIRCULAR 230 DISCLOSURE: To ensure compliance with requirements imposed by the IRS, we inform you that any U.S. tax advice contained in this communication is probably worth a lot less than you’re paying for it. Check under your desk for further details.

--

I’m thinking about that new place around the corner, the one with the dweebie waiter and the foxy hostess.

NOTICE: If you have received this communication in error, what the hell are you doing in my email, anyway? Please advise the sender by reply email and immediately say 10 Hail Mary’s. You should seriously consider deleting this message and any attachments without copying or disclosing the contents. If you do choose to disclose the contents, email them to 10 people without breaking the chain. George W. Bush broke the chain, and look what happened to him.

--

Yeah, she is a fox, isn’t she?


This broadcast is the property of Major League Baseball and is intended solely for its audience. And for you folks who were so bored that you started reading at the top and haven’t yet had the good sense to stop. Any rebroadcast, redistribution or other use of this telecast without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited, but be my guest.

--

Anyway, burger about 11:30?

To ensure compliance with IRS requirements, we inform you that any U.S. tax advice in this communication cannot be used for the purpose of (i) avoiding penalties under the rules of Quidditch; (ii) promoting, marketing or recommending any transaction involving two teams of seven players riding flying broomsticks, using four balls and six elevated ring-shaped goals. Your mileage may vary.

--

Got a couple things to do first. Noon?


The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the respective authors and not necessarily those of this publication or its associated corporate entities. Of which there are many. Don’t even think of trying to mess with us.




Sure, noon. Meet me in the lobby.

Use of this Website signifies your agreement to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy (updated 03.22.05, though who really cares). Trademarks may be used only with permission of your first-grade teacher. You knew you should have been nicer to her, didn’t you? Now it’s coming back to haunt you. Yellow lights lead to green lights which lead to exits. If you receive this in error, please notify the sender and delete this message. Thank you.



(Copyright by Gregory Dennis, 2008; GregDennisVt [at sign ] yahoo.com)


-30-

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